Wednesday, 13 February 2013

How To Live with Guys.


Over the past week or so, it's come to my attention that LIVING WITH GUYS IS HARD!


I'm currently living in a flat with my boyfriend and best friend, and don't get me wrong, it can be pretty epic. We have a great laugh, get on superbly and have learnt how to share the Xbox.


But there are some things that they just do not understand, despite me trying again and again.


So I've devised a little guide with a few points on what you should know before deciding to live with the Menfolk. Things that may not be immediately obvious when you just hang out with guy friends occasionally.




It's going to get weird.



1. WEIRD NOISES WILL BE MADE

I don't think there's ever been a time that we've all sat to watch TV, someone on the programme has made a weird noise, and it hasn't then been repeated for the entire night. I've since found out that there's actually a medical condition that means you repeat everything you hear, and I wouldn't be surprised if these guys had it.


There'll be times where I'll find myself absorbed in something, concentrating really hard, and I won't notice the ominous face appearing right beside mine. Then there is a horrible growling noise right in my ear, followed by a whole lot of laughter.


If you're hoping to avoid this, then try not to watch Family Guy, South Park, American Dad, Scrubs, Come Dine With Me or Four in a Bed.


2. EVERYTHING THAT IS SAID WILL EITHER BE FROM FAMILY GUY OR SOUTH PARK


I actually love Family Guy, I think it's really funny (albeit a little too far sometimes). But I have nothing on these guys. I'm pretty sure they could quote from every episode. In failing that, they have a Family Guy/South Park quote prepared for every situation.


They do something wrong: "Weeee're soooooorry", from the South Park episode where they take the mick of BP and their oil spill.


Someone owes them money: "WHERE'S MY MONEY, MAN? WHERE'S MY MONEY?" ( said in a low American accent), from the Family Guy episode where Stewie cuts up Brian for not paying him back.


I think my favourite is a break from this tradition, actually. Something inappropriate is said: This happens, every time without fail.




And do you know what the worst thing is? I HAVE STARTED DOING THESE THINGS TOO!


3. ANYTHING RUDE OR OFFENSIVE WILL BE DEFINED AS "BANTER"


This is not purely a guy thing, by any means but it happens in this flat a lot. At the same time, I do find it kind of funny, I don't know if that makes me a terrible person or not, I'm at war with myself. 


I don't really want to go into the particulars because, you know, it will probably just end up offending more people than it would entertain. Just think of anything that would illicit a shaking of the head, giving them a row or crying yourself to sleep at night.


If you're really that curious, then just watch Family Guy and South Park. That will teach you everything you probably don't want to know.


4. THERE WILL BE GAMING APLENTY


We have approximately a gazillion games consoles in our flat, which get used regularly. If you do not like to game, then do not live with guys. Also, if you do not want to get brutally sucked in by the world of gaming, do not live with guys.


Since living with them, I've found that I am a Skyrim master, really like Zelda and I was always a bit of a beast at Pokemon.





However, I don't think I will ever be a patch on these guys. They seem to know everything about everything to do with gaming, particularly with a game called "Baldur's Gate". I hadn't heard of it before meeting them, and now I know more about it than I would care to. They fan-girled a little bit when they managed to get the co-op version to work between their laptops. I didn't really share their enthusiasm.


5. THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR NEED FOR GIRLY THINGS


I dare you to ask a guy you're planning to live with to tell you what your eyelash curlers are used for. Or what colours you should wear together. It's no secret that Kieran cannot tell what clothes go together and which don't. I also challenge you to ask them about hair care/dye/styling.


I've taken to just doing girly things like painting my nails and doing my hair every once in a while, just so that I don't feel over-testosteroned. 


And when that stops helping, I enlist the help of my girl friends to arrange a girly night. This action is vital, and has helped me more times than I can count! One of my lovely friends came round to mine before a night out with Pink Cava, some brownies and sour cherries. 


I nearly cried with joy.



I suppose I should probably issue a disclaimer of some kind, here. I am not, by any means, saying that I don't love living with guys. All of these things are what makes living with them so great, as well as so challenging... I wouldn't want to live with anyone else.


So take heed of my words, but also take them with a pinch of salt. 


In failing that, have a large vodka.